There’s a certain type of mom that doesn’t always get celebrated in school communities.
She’s not the PTO president.
She’s not the room parent.
She’s not staying up until midnight cutting construction paper into perfectly themed decorations.
Instead, she gets the email asking for volunteers, opens Venmo, sends $25, and moves on with her day.
I know her well… I am her.
For years, I quietly carried a little guilt about this. Was I contributing enough? Was I doing my fair share? Was I somehow missing an unwritten rule of motherhood that said if you weren’t leading the bake sale, organizing Spirit Week, or designing the class party, you were falling short?
But, I think we need Venmo Moms too.
Not everyone's superpower is DIY
I didn't grow up thinking of myself as particularly creative. I admire the moms who can walk into a craft store and emerge with the vision, supplies, and energy to turn a classroom into a magical experience.
That’s a gift… it’s just not mine.
My strengths have always been elsewhere. Building teams. Solving problems. Creating strategy. Growing businesses. Developing people.
I spend my days creating and building in my career. It's work I love. It's meaningful. It's also mentally consuming.
When I get home, I don't have endless reserves of creative energy waiting to be deployed for every classroom celebration.
The difference between can't and choose not to
Being a Venmo Mom isn't about not caring. It's about knowing where your energy creates the most value.
There are moments when I can and do step in to fully own an experience. For example, at Holden’s 10th birthday, I visited his school and built a custom Jeopardy-style trivia game that fit perfectly for him and for his classmates—themes around The NY Jets, Gen Alpha Language, Fun Facts About Holden, etc. We closed with Mummying him (a close-to-Halloween birthday). When I say yes, I go all in. THIS was one of those times where I could execute a custom experience and pour my time and creativity into it to ensure Holden felt special and celebrated.
But I am also (very much work in progress) learning that I can’t (and don’t need to) say yes to everything.
Because every “yes” costs something. For working moms, especially ambitious women with (multiple) kids, the cost is often invisible. A few hours planning a class event might mean less patience at bedtime. Less presence at dinner. Less capacity for the moments that matter most to our own families.
Celebrating Holden’s birthday with his class doing Jeopardy-style trivia and mummying him!
The myth of doing it all
Many working mothers spend years chasing an impossible standard.
Be ambitious at work.
Be present at home.
Volunteer at school.
Lead the fundraiser.
Organize the playdates and parties.
Coach the team.
Remember every themed day.
And somehow make it all look effortless.
The truth is, nobody is doing it all. We are all making choices.
Some moms contribute time.
Some contribute creativity.
Some contribute leadership.
Some contribute money.
Most contribute a combination of all four at different seasons of life.
The Venmo Mom simply knows which contribution she can sustainably make right now.
My kids don't keep score—all they want is focused time
What I have also realized as my children get older is that they don't keep score the way we think they do.
Holden and Hayes don't have a spreadsheet tracking how many committee meetings I attended.
What they remember are the moments that matter to them.
Showing up for the baseball game after a long day in NYC, being available for pillow talk after a tough day, 1:1 date nights that we do 1/month, being fully present when they needed me most.
I know everyone says this, but the years really do move fast. Faster than any parent expects.
So I've become more intentional about where I spend my limited time and energy.
The case for the Venmo Mom
The concept of the Venmo Mom sometimes carries an unnecessary stigma, as if financial contribution is the lesser form of involvement.
I disagree.
Schools, classrooms, teams, and communities need resources. They need support. They need parents who help make things happen in whatever way they can.
Sometimes that support looks like organizing the event.
Sometimes it looks like funding the event.
Both matter.
Both are valuable.
Both allow our children to benefit from a stronger community.
This is the the question I will leave you with: Am I showing up in the ways that matter most to my family and align with who I am right now?
